Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I'm freaking out
I'm freaking out. My husband has now been unemployed for 19 weeks. I know that because I was 4 weeks pregnant at the time and now I am 23 weeks. We've gotten so low on funds that we had to borrow money from family. So now not only do we have no savings, but we are now in debt. Brian had an interview on Friday, but we still haven't heard anything back about it. The waiting is killing us both. I've invested so much mental energy in deciding that this job is "the one" that I don't know if I can handle it if it doesn't work out. I have about 4 months to go until this next little guy arrives. That's not a lot of time to get a job, most likely sell our house and relocate to a whole new place. That's not a lot of time to get a new OB/GYN, new pediatrician, new veterinarian, get to know a new town and make new friends for myself and for John. That's just not a lot of time. Except that it is a lot of time to be unemployed. A lot of time that we could just be getting further in debt. I don't even want to think about that. I'm just freaking out. I'm a mess. My house is a mess. I can't stay focused long enough to do anything productive like cleaning or working on a new workbook or even deciding on a new knitting project. I'm not sleeping well at night because I'm worrying about our finances and this new baby (who is still very active and thus I know is currently doing just fine). I'm worrying about John and how he's going to adjust to a new big boy bed and a baby brother and possibly a new house and a new town that's away from all his friends and his grandparents and his favorite uncle. I'm worrying about how I'm going to handle life with two children and no family close by and maybe not very many friends and a husband who's possibly working long hours or night shift or traveling. I'm worrying about being in a place where we don't know anyone when this baby is born. Who will take care of John when I go to the hospital? Will I have to go have this baby by myself? It's the unknowns that are killing me. I just want to know what the future holds for us. Where will we be? What job will Brian be doing? Will I need to go back to work and put my boys into daycare? Will they be okay with that? Will I? I'm tired. I'm so tired of putting on a brave front, of telling everyone that we're fine, of being positive. I'm so tired of being tired and stressed out. In the depths of my heart I know everything will work out okay in the long run, but, honestly, right now I'm just freaking out.
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6 comments:
Deep breath! One thing at a time. Start with the basics, cooking, cleaning and caring for your family.
My heart and prayers go out to you! I'm wishing you more peace in your situation. Any chance you might be moving to western mass? You've got a blog friend out here :D
xo - Cheryl
aww..this post hurt my heart....not sure which was harder, knowing that you are feeling like this, or that i don't know what i can do to help :(
move to austin?! !!!!! um, ok that isn't realistic, but just hang in there and just take it a day at a time and know that although money might be a necessary thing in life, you are doing the most important job in the world right now!!
I understand where you are. My husband lost his job when our 3rd baby was due in 3 wks. It was very stressful. We had other financial responsibilities that felt crushing. Sometimes I would comfort myself with the thought of 'what is the worst that could happen' type of thing. Even if we have to sell our house, we can always downsize and we still have each other, the important things. I prayed a lot! Somehow it all worked out.
Take some deep breaths. John will LOVE having a baby brother, he will adjust to his new bed. It is really stressful though. Hang in there.
Haley, I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time. I really don't know what to say to you. One day at a time? I'm thinking of you. x
Deep breaths and one day at a time. You're going through several major stressful events at once (which of course you know) so give yourself permission to freak out, and then focus on the things that you can control, like taking care of the kids and yourself and your home. Hang in there. Sending positive energy...
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